New Job

I got a new job.. I'll work out in the recycling now.. More time to read, write and knit I hope.. Maybe get an Mp3 player too. Getting along very well with Fran these days.. good good. Not so much with Mom of course.. ba.. I thought things were good with Brendan but now he's not calling me back.. fuck.. it's never smooth with him.. I guess it's my fault for the whole dating him when I didn't want to thing.. boo.. ah well..
So I think that what I mean wen I say I hate my life is that I need a purpose.. I need a major goal..

Hiaerrrumph

rr. hgrmm rrrrrr..
sigh.. one of those days.. grey.. rain.. cold.. bla.. boo boo boo..
I'll get through this..
hope it was ok to aplly for that job today.. it was so rushed.. pies.. sigh.. whatever..
I'm depressed..

Firefly

soo I have a new love interest.. it's a TV show.. did not see that coming! It's soo good.. I try to remember the lines from it.. I think that's a problem with me.. There's soo much of my life I'd rather forget so remembering is soo hard.. My poor little brain.. Wht am I gonna do with this life.. god I feel so lost.. I like the show because they are people I'd want to know.. but they arn't real.. gorram! what am I gonna do?? no really.. what am I gonna do?? when I ask that question I think of killing myself and my eyes swell with tears.. I've been to counciling read the books.. gone on a trip.. I guess it's back to 12 step for me.. I mean what else has ever helped my stay out of drepression? addiction to men I guess.. but that's not good for me I don't think.. Maybe I should start hiking?? Lance and Nathan and Summer do.. they seem happy.. should I just copy them? role models and all??
PS I'll know I actually like Alex if I actually clean up my room.. well maybe I'll just know how ready or not ready I am.. stay humble right?